Stop defining success and start living

Setting goals can be a great motivator and can ignite a passion within us but when it starts affecting our mental health negatively, it’s time for a rethink. What’s important to you? What will this imagined success bring you that something else can’t? Do you strive for more money and material items to bring you status or admiration?

Some people measure success by wealth and the size of their home, while for others, a loving relationship, physical health or having children are more important. An article that featured in the Harvard Business Review, showed that success can be measured subjectively and objectively. While one might be seen from a status perspective, the other comes from an emotional outlook.

Often we set our goals based on what others expect of us or how we want to appear to everyone else. But by continually denying ourselves the things that bring us true happiness, we could start to experience negative emotions. Perhaps you spend all your time focused on work because you only see the end goal and forget that the journey to success should be equally as rewarding. If you neglect your wellbeing for too long, it can cause stress and poor quality of sleep which can lead to burnout.

All the time you spend striving to be successful, means that you’re missing out on other things that make you truly happy. Perhaps you love to go out with your friends or take weekend breaks but they’re being pushed to one side in order for you to continue on the road to success. If you keep neglecting the small pleasures that bring you joy, you’ll find yourself feeling anxious, stressed and maybe even depressed.

Ways to put yourself first

• When we’re so focused on a goal, we often lose sight of who we are so it’s important to remind yourself of your unique qualities. Make a list of all the things you love about yourself that aren’t related to an achievement of some kind.
• Often we define success by what other people deem important but this can sometimes set us on the wrong path and blur our own personal definition of success. Write down what you believe to be successful without being influenced by anyone else. You might find that your ideas are very different to what you first thought.
• By regularly practising self-love you’ll remind yourself of all your positive qualities. Positive affirmations are a great way to do this, and they can also help you appreciate all the great aspects of your life.
• Avoid spending too much time with people who impose high expectations on you. It’s easy to be drawn into other people’s ways of thinking but if it isn’t making you happy, then you perhaps need to let go. 

Although striving for success can give us purpose, if the journey is not fulfilling your needs, you need to start doing the things that make YOU happy. Make time for all the things that bring you joy whether that’s spending more time outdoors, doing something creative or enjoying a hobby.

It’s so important to put your mental wellbeing first so if you find yourself becoming out of sorts and unhappy, you might be forcing yourself onto a path that isn’t meant for you. By focusing on something that combines your true passion and strengths, the journey to YOUR success will become much more meaningful and rewarding.

How to grow your self esteem and start taking risks at work

Some might consider this a bit of a ‘chicken and the egg’ scenario. Which comes first? Do we grow our self esteem prior to taking risks or do we take risks to grow our self esteem? Well, if the truth be known, a little bit of both can work wonders.

I hear you saying “I’m too scared. What if it all goes wrong.” But you’ll never know what is possible until you do take risks. But, okay, let’s work on improving your confidence first.

For whatever reason, many people lack self esteem and this can act as a huge barrier when trying to progress in all areas of our lives, including work. When we lack self confidence, it can leave us with negative emotions, which can influence the path we map out for ourselves in life. Too often we opt for the easiest or simplest route as we are too afraid of failure, anxiety, and stressful situations, but does that make us truly happy? A recent study undertaken by My Confidence Matters revealed that women are affected most by the lack of confidence and it is holding them back from moving forward in their jobs.

Sometimes we lack self esteem because of past relationships, and how people have treated us in our past can have a huge effect on how we treat ourselves. Just remember that whatever other people tell you or say to you isn’t always the truth, so you shouldn’t let it dictate how you see yourself.

5 tips for improving self confidence

1. Be kind to yourself. You know that you have positive qualities and skills, they just seem to go unnoticed. Remind yourself every day – write things down or just say them to yourself – about everything you like about yourself. It might seem difficult to begin with but once you get into the swing of it, you’ll start to find more and more things that you love. Don’t forget that when you run yourself down, your body and mood are negatively affected and likewise when you recall all your good points, your body and your mood improve.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others. Remember that everyone is different and has their own unique traits, qualities, and skills. Not everything is always as it seems – some people are just much better at ‘bigging’ themselves up than others. This doesn’t mean you have to go around telling everyone how great you are but if you believe in yourself, then this will show in your demeanour and attitude and you’ll find that people will start to think differently about you when they see that you feel confident about yourself.

3. Surround yourself with people who boost your self esteem rather than knock it down. If you don’t already have friends or family who you can rely on, try to find a new support network. Mind has lots of peer support and Elefriends is an online community where you can meet like-minded people wanting to support each other.

4. Set yourself challenges.  Challenges will help you take steps towards growing your self esteem. For example, learn a new skill such as a language, take up a sport or do something creative and you’ll see just how amazing it feels to achieve something, no matter how small.

5. Set yourself some work goals. Make a list of all the things you’d like to achieve at work, prioritise them, and then break them down into smaller goals. If you’d like to go for a promotion at work, what steps could you take to achieving your goal?

• Show initiative by taking on a small task without checking in with your manager first. Most bosses like to see an employee using their initiative.
• Demonstrate leadership skills by perhaps asking a colleague to undertake a part of your project that you feel their skillset would be better suited to.
• Speak up in meetings. Don’t be afraid to offer your opinions and accept that not everyone will agree with what you have to say but it doesn’t matter so long as they give your thoughts some consideration.
• Is there something in the company that you feel could be done better? If so, why not address it and offer a solution to the problem. Problem solvers are often looked upon favourably.

Once you start taking small steps, the more your self esteem will begin to grow and you’ll become less afraid to take risks. Remember, not everything will always go your way or work out how you want it to but it’s having the confidence to do it anyway and not letting the outcome affect who you are that’s important.

How to pick yourself up when your job is dragging you down

Owing to the fact that we spend so much time at work, it’s inevitable there will be times when our job gets on top of us. Even if you are fortunate enough to love your job, there’ll be days when you feel overwhelmed, stressed or lacking in motivation. Although this isn’t uncommon, it can put a lot of pressure on our mental and physical wellbeing.

Long work hours, disagreements with colleagues, job insecurity and a heavy workload can lead to anxiety, stress, depression, sleep problems and lethargy. So, what can we do to alleviate angst and stress and get ourselves back on track when our job is dragging us down?

Stay motivated

Once you start to lose motivation at work, it will not only affect the way you think but also your actions. Perhaps you no longer feel the urgency to get to work on time, or maybe the highlight of your day is emptying the contents of the vending machine and taking more coffee breaks than usual. But there is a way back from this apathetic attitude…

Tips

• Prepare a healthy lunch and snacks the night before. Try to eat nuts, salad, chicken, pulses and other protein-rich foods that will boost your energy and keep you alert.
• Replace coffee with water or a vitamin-rich smoothie. This will keep you hydrated and help focus your mind.
• Get up half an hour earlier so that you aren’t rushing around and have plenty of time to eat breakfast.
• Get your clothes ready the night before and choose something that’s comfortable but also makes you feel good about yourself.
• Take a full lunch break at work to help you re-energise. A short walk outside in the fresh air will also give you an energy boost and a daily dose of vitamin D. 

Don’t dwell on things

It may seem easier said than done to not dwell on misdemeanours in the workplace, especially when we fear our job may be at risk. But we need to remember that we are only human and mistakes do happen. When we overthink a situation, we can put a lot of pressure on our mental wellbeing, which can lead to stress and anxiety.

Tips

• When we’re accountable for our actions, people are more likely to understand and forgive any mistakes we make. Burying your head or shifting the blame onto someone else will only make the situation worse and cause people to lose trust in you. 
• If something's playing on your mind and causing you distress, speak to someone about it so you can gain a clearer perspective and act towards resolving the situation.
• Take up a hobby or sport outside of work to focus your mind on something positive.
• Remember each day is a new start.

Stop complaining

If you find yourself constantly complaining about the same things, it’s likely you need to take action. Negative thoughts are not only bad for our mental health, they can impact on our physical wellbeing, too.

Tips

• Recognise recurring concerns and decide if it’s something you can improve or change. If it is, then make a list of steps you can take to make those changes.
• Start looking for the positives – what do you enjoy about your job? 
• Distract your thoughts with things that make you happy and make an effort to do more of them.
• Speak with your boss about anything you find particularly stressful and find ways you could overcome this.

According to research undertaken by Mind, work is the biggest cause of stress in people’s lives so it’s vital that we find ways to be happier in our jobs.


Try to remember we always have a choice to make changes and although it may seem daunting to begin with, once you start to take action, you’ll feel more motivated and able to face challenges with a more positive attitude.

Stepping up to a challenge

There are many reasons why we might want to feel appreciated or recognised for the work we do in our job; we may want to feel good about ourselves, dream of a promotion, or gain respect from our colleagues.

So, how do you feel when your boss has chosen you to undertake a challenge at work? Initially, you might feel excited or self-satisfied that you have been trusted with the important task. But what do you do when those initial feelings begin to turn into fear and anxiety?

Yes, it feels great that you’ve been given such a responsibility but perhaps you start to question whether you’re capable of stepping up to the challenge.

If feelings of self-doubt have started creeping in, you’re probably questioning your abilities to succeed. You may be fearful that you won’t achieve the desired results, you can’t handle the extra workload or you’re not sure how to even go about the task at hand.

Overcoming the fear

Fear can lead to negative self-talk and can even, in some cases, convince you that you’re simply not good enough. But you must remember the positive feelings you had before fear took over your mindset. It’s likely that, before you were given the challenge, you believed in your abilities and you were full of self-worth.

Make a note of everything you have accomplished so far in your job and all the positive skills and qualities you are proud of. Don’t forget that your boss must also have seen your value to consider you for the task in the first place.

Once you start to focus on the positives, your confidence will start to grow, and the niggling seeds of doubt will fade into the background.

Challenges are so-called for a reason and most likely you’ll come across problems along the way. It’s your job to find solutions rather than make excuses. Understandably, you might be worrying about the security of your job if you don’t succeed, but don’t forget to think about the rewards when you do succeed.

Think of the challenge as a series of tasks that will test your determination and cognitive skills. As you start to overcome each step, you will prove to yourself that you are the right person for the challenge. Compliment yourself for every obstacle that you overcome and savour that incredible feeling of satisfaction, which will spur you on to achieve the end goal.

Ask for help

Don’t be afraid to ask co-workers or those more qualified in relevant areas for help. Management and organisation skills are equally as important and can often lead to making the wisest decisions. Building allies can be a smart move.

If you’re really unsure of the best action to take during the challenge, think of several solutions and perhaps sound them out with your boss. That way they will recognise that you’re not just approaching them with problems but rather offering alternative strategies to overcome them.

The more times you step up to a challenge and achieve the end goal, the more you’ll grow in confidence, making the next challenge easier and less daunting. Try to remember the familiar saying: “challenges are opportunities in disguise”.

Confidence tips for interviews

At some point in our lives, we all must face the 'dreaded' interview. Interviews can often be a stressful experience because so much rests on the outcome.

When we take the plunge and decide to make a change in our career, we may already be feeling vulnerable. It might be that we didn’t get along with our colleagues in our previous job, we weren’t earning enough money, or we weren’t achieving our goals. Whatever the reason, many of these contributing factors can weaken our confidence and negatively impact on our mental wellbeing. So, before we even begin to apply for our dream job, we may have low self-esteem and be feeling like we’re on the back foot.

To move forwards with confidence, it’s important to start feeling more positive about ourselves and have belief in our capabilities. Remember, the employer has already seen your CV or application form and clearly thinks that you could be suitably qualified for the job. You need to be able to build a rapport with the interviewer and prove that you not only have the right skills, but your personality suits the company.

Recognise your achievements and skills

It can be easy to fall into the trap of putting yourself down or tricking yourself into believing that you aren’t good enough, so it’s important to dispel any negative thoughts and start thinking positively about yourself.

Make a list of all your qualities and skills and recognise how much you have already achieved. If you struggle with this, ask a friend to help you. Sometimes when your confidence is low, you need a helping hand to spot the positives about yourself. Within no time, you’ll start to appreciate all the positives and spend less time putting yourself down.

Practice relaxation techniques

When you’re nervous or anxious, your body may react negatively and you may feel out of breath, shaky or over-emotional. By practising simple breathing exercises or mindfulness techniques, you can help yourself return to a state of calm before the interview. Taking slow, deep breaths and emptying your mind can help you think more clearly.

Visualise positive outcomes

Visualisation techniques can be extremely powerful in stressful situations and can help overcome fears. Imagine yourself in the interview and how you would like to be perceived. Do you look confident? Do you speak confidently? Do you give a confident handshake? Body language is a huge giveaway for any interviewer so the more you picture yourself acting confidently, the more likely you will feel confident.

Prepare. Prepare. Prepare!

There is nothing worse than turning up to an interview unprepared. Employers want to know that prospective employees are willing to go the extra mile. Research the company thoroughly and find out what you can about your interviewer/s and what they do for the company as this can help you build a rapport with them. Re-visit the job specification and your CV and make sure you highlight any occasions in a previous role where you have demonstrated the required skills and qualities.

Practise confident body language

In our day-to-day lives it’s easy to forget how we appear to others from our body language. Observe how you act when you’re speaking with present colleagues, family or friends and make adjustments accordingly.

• Make eye contact
• Don’t slump and keep an upright yet relaxed posture
• Unfold your arms and use open hand gestures when speaking (but don’t overdo it)
• Smile
• Mirror positive body language of whoever you’re speaking to
• Don’t fidget

More useful interview tips are available on the graduate career website Prospects.

If you feel you may benefit from working with a coaching professional who can assist you with any confidence issues and support you as you work towards your goals, visit our coaching page.

Why it’s important to review your year’s achievements and look ahead

It’s fair to say that in today’s challenging economic climate many employees are expected to do and deliver more – often with less resources.

When you’re on a hamster wheel at work, it can be hard to carve out the time to reflect on your performance and achievements. However hard it is, self-reflection is a critical process if we are ever to do things differently – or if we have desires to stretch and grow at work.

Self-reflection is a way of assessing yourself, your ways of working and how you learn. Managers go through this process regularly with their team but it’s not often that we turn the lens around and look at our own performance. This article from HR Zone explains how – and why – the practice of self-reflection is key to identifying opportunities and to changing our habitual work practices so that we get better results.

When we talk about the process of reflection, what we’re really talking about is questioning – in a positive way – what we do and why we do it that way. It's only by doing this that we can assess whether there is a better way going forward. Of course, reflection can be done at any time in the year, but the start of the new year is a great time to set out your plans and priorities for the twelve months ahead. It’s also the time when we're most open to embracing new ways of doing things – so evaluating personal skills can really help to identify changes we might need to make.

It might be helpful to structure your questioning in the following areas:

• Strengths – are you well organised? Do you connect well with colleagues and customers? 
• Weaknesses – are you easily distracted? Do you take on more than you should for fear of disappointing others? Are you inflexible and reluctant to change how you work? 
• Skills – what are your core skills currently and what skills are you looking to develop? 
• Achievements – what have you delivered this year that are you most proud of? 
• Happiness – what gives you joy at work? What tasks do you look forward to? 

Think also about any external factors that may have impacted your work over the year. Perhaps there were problems at home or with the children that took a lot of your attention over a certain period of time – identifying these external pressures enables us to better assess how we perform at work under stress.

Although self-reflection can seem difficult at first, there is evidence from Harvard Business School that it really does positivelyimpact on performance - so remember, practice makes perfect. You will find that it becomes easier and that the end result is not only a more productive year ahead – but also a happier and more fulfilling one too.

How to overcome your biggest challenges

Practice makes perfect, so the saying goes. It doesn’t matter who you are or what job you do, as individuals we never stop learning. However, from time to time, the challenges we face at work may seem insurmountable and serve to dent our confidence, rather than help us grow.

A life without challenges is an unrealistic expectation. But you can prepare yourself to deal with the challenges you face, so that you can embrace them as an opportunity to ‘practise’ and become better at what you do.

The run up to Christmas can be a time of immense pressure for lots of people to the point that you find yourself less able to cope with obstacles at work. Here are our tips for overcoming even the toughest of encounters and coming out the other side a stronger, more rounded employee.

Positivity matters

If you find yourself under pressure at work, it’s important to surround yourself with positivity. Rather than spend time with coworkers who are eager to share their own tales of woe, make a conscious effort to be with those colleagues who bring out your passion and drive. Negativity breeds so make sure the relationships you keep at work share the same positive vision that you do. You sometimes need to be with people who believe in your abilities so that you can believe in yourself!

Focus on the big picture

When dealing with challenges, it’s easy to get bogged down in the detail and lose sight of your end goals. When you start to feel discouraged it’s important to take a step back and focus on the big picture for a moment. Remember why this challenge you are facing is important – how will it help to lead onto other things? Does it take you closer to your end goal? Sometimes it helps to write down your goals and put them somewhere where you can see them. When you have to deal with something you find hard – look to your goals for inspiration and energy.

Break it down

Have you noticed how sometimes when we work on something tricky, it builds up in our minds – often without good cause. Human nature means that often we will put off the tasks we don’t like, in favour of quick wins but usually this has the unfortunate knock-on effect that we then are working on our most challenging projects under self-inflicted time pressures too! If you find yourself facing a challenging task or activity, the key to success is to break it down into smaller elements. Then systematically work through each element in turn. Be persistent. Be methodical, and before you realise it, you’ll find yourself half way up the mountain.

Picture your success

You need to picture yourself overcoming your challenge in order to make it happen. Visualisation is a tried and tested technique for helping to rewire our thought processes. When we think about positive outcomes, we are more likely to overcome our challenges. Use the power of your mind to picture how you will look and feel once you have accomplished what you have set out to achieve. This positivity really helps to motivate your spirit and drive you to succeed. Visualisation is a means of control in any situation that may leave you feeling unsure, vulnerable or inadequate. You can read more about the practice in this article from Psychology Today.

Overcoming adversity to achieve your goals

Life is full of ups and downs. Indeed some people say we need to experience the lows to really appreciate the highs; but what happens if we have trouble bouncing back when something bad happens?

The good news is that we have all we need within ourselves to get our lives back on track!

The recent Paralympics are a great reminder of the resilience we all have within us to overcome most of the problems that life throws our way. They show what we can achieve when we believe in ourselves and refuse to be constrained by other people’s expectations of us.

Often we feel inhibited by what other people think, or what they say about us and our abilities and -let's face it - there always seems to be somebody with a critical eye when we're lacking in confidence. However, there are ways to keep going to achieve your goals. Read our tips below.

Positive mental attitude

Positivity is key when it comes to achieving our goals. We have to believe we can do something – truly trust in ourselves and our own ability – in order for us to accomplish what we set out to. Self-doubt has no place in our psyche. Unfortunately, in times of disappointment or when faced with adversity, the self-doubt can become consuming. When this happens, it’s time to reframe your thinking and focus only on the positives.

Be prepared to try harder

All of our lives we have faced challenges. It starts as a child, at school, when we are asked to try something new or given a new topic to learn. We managed the situation then without thinking about it too deeply, but do you remember how our parents and carers helped us through at the time? By telling us to try harder. They weren’t far wrong. We get used to putting in only the minimum level of effort needed to get us through our adult life. The truth is when we’re faced with adversity we do need to dig a bit deeper.

Let go of things you can’t control

It’s common during difficult times to focus on what’s going wrong and hone in on the negative aspects of our lives, rather than look at the big picture. We lose sight of our goals and get stuck in negative thought patterns which are not helpful. We need to be become aware of the aspects of our lives that we can control and consciously free ourselves from those that we can’t. Worrying about something uses up valuable energy – and this energy should be redirected to take us closer to our goals, rather than pontificating about things we have absolutely no influence over.

Stop being your own worst enemy

Be honest, who is it that is really stopping you from achieving your goals? Chances are you have a big part to play. Self-sabotage is not unusual – it manifests in the excuses we tell ourselves to justify our situation, especially during times of stress. When we break these excuses down – really examine them – we usually find that they are ungrounded and the biggest hurdle we have to overcome to achieve our goals is ourselves. Whatever you tell yourself, often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Overcoming adversity is nigh-on impossible until you stop making excuses and start to be your own champion.

How to motivate yourself and others

According an article in Psychology Today the one thing that sets aside people who achieve their goals from those who don't, is having the motivation to succeed. Motivation can come from within or can be stimulated by external reward.

However, studies show that while external rewards have their place, we usually value our internal drivers more, so we’ve developed a few hacks below to help you draw on your inner motivation – but don’t forget to build in a few small external rewards to your daily routine too, to keep you focused and enable you to reach your true potential.

Keep your eye on the bigger picture

Rather than think about the task in hand, concentrate on the ways in which completing that task will take your closer to achieving your goals or realising your dreams. The secret to staying motivated is to link what you are doing back to your real value drivers. Always take the time to remind yourself why you are doing what you’re doing.

Set an achievable to-do list

Nothing is more off-putting than a huge list of tasks and not enough time to complete them. By setting an achievable to-do list and managing people’s expectations about what you can do and by when, you can keep motivated enough to complete the things that need to be done. Unrealistic expectations – set by yourself, or by others – are the main reason for failure. Be kind to yourself and set yourself up for success.

Visualise what you’ll feel like when you’ve done it

You’ll feel great, right? Like a weight has been lifted and this will leave you feeling more positive and motivated than before. Visualisation is a tried and tested practice that helps us rewire our thinking. Our brain can be tricked into thinking we’ve done things which makes it easier for us to complete the tasks we been putting off. When we think about the positive feelings we’ll have when we’ve completed a task we will be more willing to actually do them. Think successful to be successful.

Just do it – in small bursts if needs be

There is nothing more motivating than being fully present and totally focused on one task at a time – and having a tight timescale in which to complete the task you’ve been set can really focus the mind. Have you ever been amazed at how much shopping you can fit in your basket when they announce the shop will close in ten minutes? Or how many emails you can get through when you have a meeting to get to shortly? Start putting a timescale against tasks for completion to keep the motivation turned up and the procrastination dialled down to a low. Don’t go over the time you have set yourself and if you haven’t finished what you set out to do, simply schedule in another session later in the day/week. See how much more productive you are.

Reward your own productivity to keep the motivation juices flowing

Having something to look forward to is a great motivator. Make a deal with yourself – if you can do what you need to accomplish in the morning you’ll take a lunchtime walk in the sunshine to clear your head; if you get through the afternoon’s tasks you’ll take a long bath and set some time aside to make a start on that new book.

There are some great articles about both internal and external motivators, like the ones below. Just remember to do whatever works best for you – not for others.

https://www.verywell.com/differences-between-extrinsic-and-intrinsic-motivation-2795384

http://www.psychologyandsociety.com/motivation.html