How to Communicate Assertively at Work

Getting your ideas across at work can often be an intimidating prospect. This is especially true if you work with people who are extremely confident, and always seem to get the last word in. If you aren’t a naturally confident person and often feel afraid to speak up in social situations, it can cause feelings of anxiety and sometimes even depression if your opinions go unheard for a long period of time.

What are the benefits of communicating assertively at work?

According to the Mayo Clinic, “Assertiveness can help you control stress and anger and improve coping skills...Being assertive can also help boost your self-esteem and earn other’s respect.”

If you have difficulty getting your point across and want to know how to communicate effectively and assertively at work, we have some helpful tips.

Communicating in an assertive way

Being assertive doesn’t mean being aggressive. It simply means letting others know how you feel or what you want or need, in a clear, confident manner. So how do you do this?

Avoid being passive. When it comes to decision making, state your preference. For example, if you’re asked your thoughts on what to do in a particular situation, instead of agreeing to go along with what another person thinks to avoid conflict, share your view.

Be accountable. When you make a mistake, admit it. Being confident enough to know when something has gone wrong and to want to rectify a situation can earn you the respect of your colleagues. A more passive person may put the blame on others rather than taking responsibility for their own actions.

Ask questions. If you’re unsure about any instructions you’ve been given, ask for clarification. This can be a task given to you by your manager or work you have been assigned by another colleague or department.

Learn your preferred method of communication. Some people absorb instructions better when they hear them, and others prefer to have them written down. If you are being given instructions verbally, take notes if this makes it easier for you to understand what needs to happen. Likewise, if you’ve received an email and it doesn’t make sense to you, ask the sender to talk through what they mean.

Don’t mistake being aggressive with being assertive. Putting your views out there doesn’t mean you have to shout to be heard. Being assertive can also be sitting back and listening to other people’s views before offering your opinion. When speaking, allow others to finish their part of the discussion before responding rather than speaking over them to get your point across.

Know when to speak and know when to stay quiet. It may not always be appropriate to give ideas or views in a group setting. It may be that a meeting has a time limit, or that the idea you have isn’t immediately relevant to the meeting or the attendees. Either organise a separate meeting to discuss your thoughts or put them in an email to the relevant colleagues.

Don’t fight fire with fire - If a colleague or manager disrespects you in front of others, rather than retaliating there and then, find a more appropriate time to let them know that you didn’t appreciate their lack of professionalism. Meeting aggression with more aggression can make a situation spiral out of control. Being the calm one in the situation can gain respect from others, including the aggressor.

How to Handle Difficult Interview Questions

There aren’t many people who look forward to attending an interview, especially if you’ve set your sights on being given the role and you’re feeling the pressure to succeed. The thought of being interrogated or the fear of rejection can send you into a spin, causing sleepless nights and overwhelming feelings of stress and anxiety.

How to prepare for an interview

So how can you calm your nerves and perform better in interviews, ensuring you answer those tricky questions with ease? One of the hardest parts of preparing for an interview is trying to pre-empt the kinds of questions you’ll be asked and coming up with the answers the interviewer wants to hear. For example, you might be asked “what are your weaknesses” and you’re unsure of whether or not it’s a trick question.

1. Have belief in yourself 

While this may seem easier said than done when it comes to interviews, there are ways to boost your self-confidence. Go through the job specification beforehand and make a note of each requirement and how you have gained experience of this in previous roles. This will make you consider your skills in more detail and serve as a reminder of what you’ve already achieved and accomplished. A study published in the International Journal of Human Resource Studies, suggested that "self-confidence, self-esteem and self-efficacy are widely common terms in job search effectiveness according to literature. There is a consensus in a large extent that candidates’ self-confidence during interview process has significant influence and affects recruiters’ decisions and respectively hiring results.”

2. Prepare for the worst

While you want to remain hopeful that you will get the job, it’s always a good idea to prepare for the worst-case scenarios. Being asked difficult questions that are aimed to catch you out or may make you feel uncomfortable are never pleasant so write a list of questions that you might fear the most and prepare a suitable response in advance. Perhaps there’s a gap in your CV that you haven’t accounted for when you were out of work. But you can turn this into a positive by demonstrating how it inspired you to aim higher and develop your skills.

3. Remember that you’ve made it to the interview stage for a reason

In most cases there will have been lots of other people applying for the same role but you have been selected for the interview so the company must have seen something in your application that impressed them. Generally speaking, interviewers aren’t trying to catch you out, they just want to make sure they choose the best person for the job. If they show an interest in a specific part of your application or CV, make sure you can elaborate on this and show enthusiasm and passion as this is obviously important to them.

4. Be honest

Honesty is often considered one of the most important character traits as it means that you are trustworthy. This doesn’t mean that you have to tell the interviewer your life story or admit to some of your less favourable traits. If you really don’t know the answer to something you're asked, rather than lying or making something up on the spot, apologise and say you don’t know. You can also say that this is something you’re willing to learn about or even train in. Also try to keep your answers short and to the point without providing them with unnecessary information.

How women can succeed in a male-dominated work environment

Although we have seen gender equality in the workplace evolve throughout the centuries, unfortunately there are some male-dominated fields where women still struggle to succeed. Cornell University undertook a study to evaluate the kinds of issues women face in male-dominated careers. The results showed that women faced several challenges, including:

Being made to feel incompetent

• A lack of emotional and financial support
• Their voices not being heard
• Various types of mistreatments

These sorts of challenges can have a negative impact on mental health. You might find yourself suffering from a lack of self-confidence, anxiety, or loneliness, so it’s vital to take measures that will boost your mood and lower the risk of more serious emotional distress.

Ways to succeed and keep your mental health intact

If you find yourself in a male-dominated work environment, make sure you spend time with strong women. Perhaps you can create a group at work with other women where you can support each other both emotionally and with work issues. If this isn’t possible, join a female networking group so you can spend time with other like-minded professionals. This is a great way to improve your confidence and learn how to communicate openly.

It can be extremely lonely being in a male-dominated workplace but by seeking out a female role model or someone who has experienced similar challenges, you are less likely to feel alone. There are lots of great articles and books that can inspire you to stay emotionally strong and achieve your goals regardless of the barriers that might be put in your way.

Just because you might work in a male-dominated sector, it doesn’t mean that all the men will discriminate against you. Try to seek out the men who are willing to be your allies, support you, and help your voice be heard.

There may be times when you are afraid to speak up or share your opinions for fear that you’ll be ignored or, worse still, ridiculed, but it’s really important to continue speaking up. Let male colleagues or managers see that you value your own worth and don’t apologise for voicing your opinions.

Practice the art of confidence when you’re at home alone. Be assertive without being rude, speak authoritatively and work on positive body language. Try not to be a people pleaser and make sure you’re knowledgeable in your field of work. You might even want to take some training so that your male colleagues are more likely to respect your skills, especially if they are skills that your colleagues are lacking.

If you face conflict at work, try not to engage in it and remain professional at all times. It might be tempting to respond in the heat of the moment but even if your emotions are running high, resist making personal replies. This approach will make your colleagues respect you more, but they are also less likely to persist with any future conflicts.

Imposter syndrome and the pitfalls of faking it ‘til you make it

Imposter syndrome, the feeling that you’re not good enough and that you’ve reached where you are by chance, is often experienced by people in the workplace. Perhaps you believe you’re a fraud and are afraid you’re going to be caught out and even lose your job. Maybe you’ve just started a new job or you’ve been given a promotion at your present place of work but you’re worried that you won’t be able to do the job properly.

Imposter syndrome can arouse a range of negative thoughts and emotions such as a lack of self-confidence, anxiety, stress and even depression if it isn’t nipped in the bud. These kinds of emotions can play havoc with your mental and physical wellbeing and can lead to more serious, long-term illness.

You’ve probably heard the term 'faking it ‘til you make it' which many people refer to when they are feeling out of their depth in their job. Although there are occasions when it’s good to remain positive, putting yourself through intense situations that you feel you’re unprepared for can be a detrimental tactic that will lead to trouble in the long run.

Why faking it is a poor option

If you constantly suffer in silence and pretend that you’re coping when you’re not, there’s a good chance you’ll start making mistakes at work. Not only can a lack of sleep due to severe stress and anxiety play a part in your downfall but you could end up destroying relationships with colleagues who might begin to resent you for not doing the job properly.

How to deal with imposter syndrome

There are ways, however, that you can overcome the debilitating effects of imposter syndrome and even become confident in your role.

It’s inevitable when starting a new job that there are going to be learning curves and it’s likely that your boss will be aware of this. Firstly, admit to yourself that you’re struggling before you admit this to your boss. What’s worse, having a slightly bruised ego or continuing along your present path of mental suffering? Before you speak to your boss, identify the main problems you’re having and try to think of a solution.

Maybe there’s one particular area that’s causing you the most stress so suggest to your boss that they give you extra training or sign you up for a course. You’ll probably be pleasantly surprised at how your boss handles the situation and they might even suggest alternative solutions before you do. Management at work have a duty to look after their staff’s mental wellbeing so they should be approachable and understanding. Just imagine the weight that will be lifted once you get your concerns off your chest, and that alone could save you many sleepless nights and anxiety.

Once you’re in a better place emotionally and mentally, you’ll find that other tasks you were struggling with become a little easier because you feel more confident and are focusing more clearly.

According to studies by the American Psychological Association, seven out of ten people suffer from imposter syndrome. Remember that imposter syndrome is more common than you think, and you are not alone in believing that you’re a fake.

How to grow your self esteem and start taking risks at work

Some might consider this a bit of a ‘chicken and the egg’ scenario. Which comes first? Do we grow our self esteem prior to taking risks or do we take risks to grow our self esteem? Well, if the truth be known, a little bit of both can work wonders.

I hear you saying “I’m too scared. What if it all goes wrong.” But you’ll never know what is possible until you do take risks. But, okay, let’s work on improving your confidence first.

For whatever reason, many people lack self esteem and this can act as a huge barrier when trying to progress in all areas of our lives, including work. When we lack self confidence, it can leave us with negative emotions, which can influence the path we map out for ourselves in life. Too often we opt for the easiest or simplest route as we are too afraid of failure, anxiety, and stressful situations, but does that make us truly happy? A recent study undertaken by My Confidence Matters revealed that women are affected most by the lack of confidence and it is holding them back from moving forward in their jobs.

Sometimes we lack self esteem because of past relationships, and how people have treated us in our past can have a huge effect on how we treat ourselves. Just remember that whatever other people tell you or say to you isn’t always the truth, so you shouldn’t let it dictate how you see yourself.

5 tips for improving self confidence

1. Be kind to yourself. You know that you have positive qualities and skills, they just seem to go unnoticed. Remind yourself every day – write things down or just say them to yourself – about everything you like about yourself. It might seem difficult to begin with but once you get into the swing of it, you’ll start to find more and more things that you love. Don’t forget that when you run yourself down, your body and mood are negatively affected and likewise when you recall all your good points, your body and your mood improve.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others. Remember that everyone is different and has their own unique traits, qualities, and skills. Not everything is always as it seems – some people are just much better at ‘bigging’ themselves up than others. This doesn’t mean you have to go around telling everyone how great you are but if you believe in yourself, then this will show in your demeanour and attitude and you’ll find that people will start to think differently about you when they see that you feel confident about yourself.

3. Surround yourself with people who boost your self esteem rather than knock it down. If you don’t already have friends or family who you can rely on, try to find a new support network. Mind has lots of peer support and Elefriends is an online community where you can meet like-minded people wanting to support each other.

4. Set yourself challenges.  Challenges will help you take steps towards growing your self esteem. For example, learn a new skill such as a language, take up a sport or do something creative and you’ll see just how amazing it feels to achieve something, no matter how small.

5. Set yourself some work goals. Make a list of all the things you’d like to achieve at work, prioritise them, and then break them down into smaller goals. If you’d like to go for a promotion at work, what steps could you take to achieving your goal?

• Show initiative by taking on a small task without checking in with your manager first. Most bosses like to see an employee using their initiative.
• Demonstrate leadership skills by perhaps asking a colleague to undertake a part of your project that you feel their skillset would be better suited to.
• Speak up in meetings. Don’t be afraid to offer your opinions and accept that not everyone will agree with what you have to say but it doesn’t matter so long as they give your thoughts some consideration.
• Is there something in the company that you feel could be done better? If so, why not address it and offer a solution to the problem. Problem solvers are often looked upon favourably.

Once you start taking small steps, the more your self esteem will begin to grow and you’ll become less afraid to take risks. Remember, not everything will always go your way or work out how you want it to but it’s having the confidence to do it anyway and not letting the outcome affect who you are that’s important.

How to stop saying 'yes' and start saying 'no'

Although there are times when saying yes is the right option and it can be to our advantage, for example, if we are hoping for a promotion at work or a pay rise, there are also times when we should say no for the sake of our mental health and wellbeing.

Perhaps you’re already overworked and you’ve been asked to take on an extra workload, or maybe you’ve been asked to work late to help with an assignment. Whatever the reason, if saying yes is causing you stress and making you resentful, then it’s probably time to learn to say no.

Ongoing negative thoughts and feelings can put a great amount of pressure on our mind and body and will eventually take their toll, resulting in physical side effects such as headaches, heart palpitations and nausea. If these symptoms are left untreated, you are putting yourself at greater risk of heart disease, ulcers and depression.

Why do we find it so difficult to say no?

There are many reasons why we might find it hard to say no:

• Fear of rejection
• We don’t want to appear rude, unkind or selfish
• We don’t want to upset or make people angry
• We don’t want to cause an argument
• We’re afraid of losing our job

Steve Peters, author of The Chimp Paradox, rationalises our inner emotions and explains why we make hasty decisions. If you struggle with saying no and suffer from anxiety and stress because of it, this book can help you gain a clearer perspective on your thoughts and emotions and it offers ways to become more confident and assertive.

Things to remember when saying no

• It doesn’t make you a bad person
• You’re not responsible for other people’s reactions
• Try not to worry about what people think
• Value yourself 
• Remember how much stress and resentment saying yes has caused you in the past
• You are within your rights to say no
• What do you gain from saying yes? Does the positive outweigh the negative?

How can we learn to say no confidently?

It’s always tempting to begin with “I’m sorry but…” and to rustle up a tangled web of lies, however, this can make saying no even more difficult. You can be direct and confident without appearing rude and even though it might feel awkward and uncomfortable to begin with, the more you practise, the easier it will become.

Practise saying the words out loud to yourself or to a friend, making sure you remain polite yet self-assured at the same time. You could try something along the lines of; “I appreciate you asking me to help with the project, but I already have plans for that evening”.

If you feel that saying yes on this particular occasion would benefit you, maybe suggest a different time when it’s more convenient for you; “I would love to help but Tuesday isn’t good for me. Would Thursday be an option instead?”.

When we’re asked to do something that we don’t want to do, we might feel under pressure to say we’ll think about it, but this will only prolong the worry and anxiety. Imagine all the positive feelings you’ll experience once you have said no: self-confidence, empowerment, freedom and relief.

Remember that it’s impossible to please everyone all the time and by putting ourselves first and not spreading ourselves too thinly, we are able to focus better on the tasks we do say yes to and we’ll be less susceptible to negative thoughts and emotions.

How to maintain your identity at work

Spending too much time trying to please your boss and work colleagues and being in a constant state of fear that you’re not good enough, can have detrimental effects, not only on your wellbeing but also your self-identity.

Earlier this year, Rice University undertook a study, “Be yourself at work — it’s healthier and more productive”, which examines identity in the workplace.

By changing our mindset and taking a few simple steps, we can learn to maintain our identity and keep our mental health in check.

Recognise your behaviour

Initially, we might not even realise that our behaviour at work is different to how we act in our personal lives. Over time, however, you’ll start to notice that your mood changes and you lack confidence and feel like you can’t be yourself in certain situations.

Begin by listing your positive qualities and try to recognise what is missing from your personality when you’re at work. Perhaps you hold back with speaking your thoughts, you feel uncomfortable in your work clothes, or it might be that your sense of humour is missing.

There are many reasons why we might lose our identity at work, whether it’s because we’re afraid people won’t like us or that we could lose our job if we don’t fit in. If we continually strive to please others, it’s easy to lose our self-worth.

If we go for long periods of time when we feel we can’t be ourselves, we can become introverted, fearful and depressed. But the good news is, there are ways we can regain our identity.

Dress comfortably

There are many workplaces where we must dress a certain way to suit the ethos of the business and sometimes that can make you feel like you aren’t presenting the real you. However, there are ways of introducing certain aspects of clothing that help you retain your personality. Even if it’s the socks that you wear or the colour of your shirt/dress, these small changes can you make you feel more comfortable and more confident in yourself.

Dealing with negative feedback

There may be times when we receive negative feedback from our boss which knocks our confidence, but it’s important to recognise how the feedback is presented. When we’re criticised for our work, it can sometimes feel like a personal attack rather than constructive criticism.

Does your boss speak differently or behave differently towards you or are they the same with other employees? If it’s the latter, then it isn’t just you and this could reflect more on their personality than yours so try not to take the criticism personally.

However, if you feel as though it is only directed towards yourself in a negative manner, speak with your boss and ask how you can make improvements with your work. This can also give you the opportunity to discuss the way they speak to you without it appearing like you’re challenging them. Don’t let any harsh words knock your self-esteem as this can lead to self-doubt, lack of confidence and, ultimately, losing your identity.

Spend more time with people you can be yourself with

Particularly when we start a new job, we try so hard to fit in, we forget to be our natural, authentic selves. There are usually one or two people that we may gravitate towards because we feel more comfortable around them. By spending more time with these people, we’ll gain more confidence to be ourselves and show the true sides of our personality.

Make sure you also spend time with your closest friends and family outside of the workplace, as they will remind you of your positive qualities and will help you maintain your identity.

Confidence tips for interviews

At some point in our lives, we all must face the 'dreaded' interview. Interviews can often be a stressful experience because so much rests on the outcome.

When we take the plunge and decide to make a change in our career, we may already be feeling vulnerable. It might be that we didn’t get along with our colleagues in our previous job, we weren’t earning enough money, or we weren’t achieving our goals. Whatever the reason, many of these contributing factors can weaken our confidence and negatively impact on our mental wellbeing. So, before we even begin to apply for our dream job, we may have low self-esteem and be feeling like we’re on the back foot.

To move forwards with confidence, it’s important to start feeling more positive about ourselves and have belief in our capabilities. Remember, the employer has already seen your CV or application form and clearly thinks that you could be suitably qualified for the job. You need to be able to build a rapport with the interviewer and prove that you not only have the right skills, but your personality suits the company.

Recognise your achievements and skills

It can be easy to fall into the trap of putting yourself down or tricking yourself into believing that you aren’t good enough, so it’s important to dispel any negative thoughts and start thinking positively about yourself.

Make a list of all your qualities and skills and recognise how much you have already achieved. If you struggle with this, ask a friend to help you. Sometimes when your confidence is low, you need a helping hand to spot the positives about yourself. Within no time, you’ll start to appreciate all the positives and spend less time putting yourself down.

Practice relaxation techniques

When you’re nervous or anxious, your body may react negatively and you may feel out of breath, shaky or over-emotional. By practising simple breathing exercises or mindfulness techniques, you can help yourself return to a state of calm before the interview. Taking slow, deep breaths and emptying your mind can help you think more clearly.

Visualise positive outcomes

Visualisation techniques can be extremely powerful in stressful situations and can help overcome fears. Imagine yourself in the interview and how you would like to be perceived. Do you look confident? Do you speak confidently? Do you give a confident handshake? Body language is a huge giveaway for any interviewer so the more you picture yourself acting confidently, the more likely you will feel confident.

Prepare. Prepare. Prepare!

There is nothing worse than turning up to an interview unprepared. Employers want to know that prospective employees are willing to go the extra mile. Research the company thoroughly and find out what you can about your interviewer/s and what they do for the company as this can help you build a rapport with them. Re-visit the job specification and your CV and make sure you highlight any occasions in a previous role where you have demonstrated the required skills and qualities.

Practise confident body language

In our day-to-day lives it’s easy to forget how we appear to others from our body language. Observe how you act when you’re speaking with present colleagues, family or friends and make adjustments accordingly.

• Make eye contact
• Don’t slump and keep an upright yet relaxed posture
• Unfold your arms and use open hand gestures when speaking (but don’t overdo it)
• Smile
• Mirror positive body language of whoever you’re speaking to
• Don’t fidget

More useful interview tips are available on the graduate career website Prospects.

If you feel you may benefit from working with a coaching professional who can assist you with any confidence issues and support you as you work towards your goals, visit our coaching page.

How to overcome shyness at work

Not everyone is blessed with confidence and for those who suffer from shyness, many situations that others might not even give a second thought, can appear daunting, especially in a place of work.

The Effects of Shyness

Shyness can be almost debilitating to some and can hold a person back from achieving their goals at work. You might avoid public situations, be too scared to speak up for yourself or suffer from anxiety,  and you may feel lonely, but remember that you're not alone and there are ways to overcome your shyness at work.

Be Kind to Yourself

Besides your family and close friends, your shyness might not be quite so obvious to people who don’t know you. Often our inner critic is eager to put us down when others most likely wouldn’t. Try to focus on your positive attributes rather than the negatives and make a list of everything you love about yourself. Remind yourself that you do have a lot to offer and that your thoughts and opinions are equally as important as those of your colleagues.

Face your fears It’s not uncommon to play out a situation or conversation in your head that hasn’t even taken place, so try not to overthink and create negative outcomes where there are none, although this might seem easier said than done. Ask yourself what you're afraid of and what’s the worst that can happen.

Avoid negative people
Regardless of whether we're shy or confident, there will always be negative people who like to put others down in order to make themselves feel better. Remember - this isn’t personal towards you and it’s more of a reflection of their insecurities. If you do come across these types of people, try to avoid them and don’t allow them to steal your energy.

Push your boundariesThis might seem like an impossible task, but once you start to step outside of your comfort zone and push your boundaries, the next time becomes a whole lot easier. Set yourself achievable goals such as contributing to a discussion in a meeting, and take note of people’s responses and reactions – are they really as bad as you’d imagined?

Small steps like this can really help increase your confidence over time and you might even realise that others appreciate your input.

Observe yourself and othersMake a conscious effort to observe people you admire. Listen to how they speak and take note of their body language. How does this differ to yours? What do you admire about them? Practise imitating some of their traits on your own in a place where you feel comfortable and relaxed. Try looking at yourself in the mirror, keep eye contact, keep a confident posture, smile and speak clearly. The more your practise this, the more natural it will feel and the easier it will be to put into practice in the workplace.

Practise confidence building techniques Try building your confidence up outside of the workplace with people you don’t know. Perhaps introduce yourself and start a conversation with a stranger – they don’t know you and you’ll probably never meet them again, so what does their opinion matter? Initially, you can keep the conversation short and build it up over time.

You can then try something similar at work. Maybe break the ice with a colleague on your lunch break by asking how their weekend was.

Visualisation techniquesFear is often caused by our own thoughts rather than actual events, so try to change your thought process by visualising positive outcomes. If there’s a presentation coming up at work that you’ve been dreading, imagine everyone listening intently to what you have to say and praising you afterwards for your excellent delivery.

Consider the benefitsRemember what you have to gain from overcoming shyness at work. Maybe you’ll make new friends, you’ll gain greater respect from your colleagues and boss, or you might even get that promotion and pay rise you’ve been hoping for.

The more you practise these techniques, the easier it will get and the more confident you will become.

For more techniques to boost self confidence, take a look at the Very Well Mind website. 

How to be brave at work and face your fears

There’s a saying that goes: why fit in, when you were born to stand out! However, many of us have a deep-rooted fear of failure or criticism in the workplace, which means we are more than happy to stay beneath the radar and remain unnoticed. While this may work for a time, there are occasions at work – when negotiating pay rises or promotions, for example – that we have to stand up and be counted.

It’s not uncommon to have sleepless nights at the thought of having to give a presentation in front of a crowd or when faced with the prospect of being more assertive with a colleague to resolve an issue. But in order to move forward it’s absolutely necessary to overcome our fears and step outside of our comfort zone for time to time.

Fortunately, there are strategies that you can practise to build your confidence and give you the courage you need to be brave and assert your ideas.

What’s the worst that would happen?

The moment you choose to overthink and imagine outcomes of a situation, you fill yourself with fear. Let’s face it, you’re unlikely to lose your job just because you’ve expressed a well-thought out idea or asked for a pay rise. So sometimes, it really does help to think about what the worst outcome would really be – and it’s never as bad as your initial emotional reaction. When you approach any situation from a calm, logical perspective, you’ll realise the outcome is usually much more positive than you imagine. Practise this and you could save yourself days of stress in the process.

Building confidence

In order to be brave at work, you need to build confidence and have self-belief that your ideas are worthy and that your opinions matter. Begin by expressing your thoughts clearly and make sure you back up your views with research – people can’t argue with facts! Practise the conversations in your head – or engage your friends and family members in some role play exercises. Remember, not everyone is going to agree with you all the time, but everyone brings a unique perspective to their work, so chances are your opinion might address something that others hadn’t even considered.

Attitude is everything

Our automatic reaction to addressing a colleague who doesn’t agree with our opinions is usually to become defensive. We take criticism personally, when it’s usually not intended to be. The best response is to give people the opportunity to address their issues with you personally and answer them as best as you can – calmly. Remember, it’s about working as a team for the best interests of the company. Defend your views confidently but be willing to listen to others’ views at the same time. No-one gets it right all the time. One of the best ways to overcome your fears is by accepting constructive criticism. Sometimes, it can be a hard pill to swallow but it’s a great way of increasing your confidence. When we accept our own flaws and mistakes, we learn how to improve ourselves and will find that people will begin to respect us more as a result.

For some more tips on how to build confidence, read one of our previous blog posts here.

The art of positive self-talk

Self-depreciation is the default setting for most of us. We see only the negatives or areas for improvement, rather than our many qualities and skills.

Ironically, when we see this same behaviour in others, we criticise them for it: "If only she didn’t put herself down so much", we say, or "why can’t he see what a great catch he is".

The fact is, most of us are humble people. Bragging and blowing our own trumpet does not come easily. And that’s fine – arrogance is not a good quality – however, what we could all do with is some positive self-talk. It’s time to reassure ourselves of our own abilities and recognise the progress we’re making.

Positive self-talk makes us feel good about ourselves and can push us to perform even better – fulfilling our true potential. It’s the optimistic voice on our shoulder that fosters our self-belief and drives us to do bigger, better things with our lives.

On the flip side, negative self-talk, brings us down. It dampens our enthusiasm and stifles our performance. It doesn’t rejoice in our successes, rather focuses on what we didn’t do, or where we could have improved.

All of us could benefit from more positive self-talk in our lives. When it comes to how to do it, this article from Psychology Today suggests that using the third person in self-talk can help you step back and think more objectively about our responses and emotions. It can also help you reduce stress and anxiety.

All too often, our inner voice is predominately negative. We tend to remember the negative comments from our childhood and school days. The problem with negative comments is that they can become self-fulfilling. We replay them over and over to the point that we believe them to be true.

The sad truth is that we are often much harder on ourselves than we would ever be on other people. It takes a lot of positive self-talk to override our negative conditioning, but it can be done. Look at this article from Psychcentral for some examples of the things positive people tell themselves.

As a bare minimum, we should aim not to say anything to ourselves that we wouldn’t say to other people. Let’s afford ourselves the same respect and self-restraint that we would direct towards others.

Positive self-talk will not stop us from messing up from time to time. We all make mistakes. Positive self-talk is not about brushing over the negative or challenging events that happen in our life, it is about looking at what happens to us with a constructive eye, and with a realistic perspective. It’s about recognising the truth in situations and looking at how we can learn from our mistakes to help us grow in to better human beings. To expect perfection in yourself - or anyone else - is unrealistic. So let’s try to be kind to ourselves - always!

How to overcome your biggest challenges

Practice makes perfect, so the saying goes. It doesn’t matter who you are or what job you do, as individuals we never stop learning. However, from time to time, the challenges we face at work may seem insurmountable and serve to dent our confidence, rather than help us grow.

A life without challenges is an unrealistic expectation. But you can prepare yourself to deal with the challenges you face, so that you can embrace them as an opportunity to ‘practise’ and become better at what you do.

The run up to Christmas can be a time of immense pressure for lots of people to the point that you find yourself less able to cope with obstacles at work. Here are our tips for overcoming even the toughest of encounters and coming out the other side a stronger, more rounded employee.

Positivity matters

If you find yourself under pressure at work, it’s important to surround yourself with positivity. Rather than spend time with coworkers who are eager to share their own tales of woe, make a conscious effort to be with those colleagues who bring out your passion and drive. Negativity breeds so make sure the relationships you keep at work share the same positive vision that you do. You sometimes need to be with people who believe in your abilities so that you can believe in yourself!

Focus on the big picture

When dealing with challenges, it’s easy to get bogged down in the detail and lose sight of your end goals. When you start to feel discouraged it’s important to take a step back and focus on the big picture for a moment. Remember why this challenge you are facing is important – how will it help to lead onto other things? Does it take you closer to your end goal? Sometimes it helps to write down your goals and put them somewhere where you can see them. When you have to deal with something you find hard – look to your goals for inspiration and energy.

Break it down

Have you noticed how sometimes when we work on something tricky, it builds up in our minds – often without good cause. Human nature means that often we will put off the tasks we don’t like, in favour of quick wins but usually this has the unfortunate knock-on effect that we then are working on our most challenging projects under self-inflicted time pressures too! If you find yourself facing a challenging task or activity, the key to success is to break it down into smaller elements. Then systematically work through each element in turn. Be persistent. Be methodical, and before you realise it, you’ll find yourself half way up the mountain.

Picture your success

You need to picture yourself overcoming your challenge in order to make it happen. Visualisation is a tried and tested technique for helping to rewire our thought processes. When we think about positive outcomes, we are more likely to overcome our challenges. Use the power of your mind to picture how you will look and feel once you have accomplished what you have set out to achieve. This positivity really helps to motivate your spirit and drive you to succeed. Visualisation is a means of control in any situation that may leave you feeling unsure, vulnerable or inadequate. You can read more about the practice in this article from Psychology Today.

How to manage your inner self-critic

It happens to us all from time to time, that little voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough and unlikely to succeed in your latest venture. For some, that inner-critic can be helpful, enabling us to really think through our choices and helping us to identify areas for development and growth. However, for some, the self-critic can become so ‘loud’ that it over shadows our self-belief and gives us a skewed perception of what we can really achieve and our true potential.

Our inner self-critic can manifest itself into all aspects of life, but can be particularly damaging at work, limiting our progress. As this Pychology Today article outlines, the self-critic is a pattern of negative thoughts that stops us from achieving our goals. The good news is that we have all we need to silence our inner self-critic within ourselves too – it just takes a bit of time and practice!

We’ve pulled together a few exercises to help you keep your self-critic at bay.

Work out what your critical voice is saying and why

Most negative thought patterns are borne out of prior experience which can usually be traced back to an early-life event. Try to focus not just what your critical inner voice is telling you but why that would be true. Remember that this thought process does not reflect reality - it is a just a thought you have internalised. Once you have broken down what your critic is saying, it will be easy to find flaws in that viewpoint which make it easier to override your critical voice. For example, when your inner critic says you can’t do something because you haven’t done it before, you can override that statement with the plans you have in place to gain the knowledge and experience you need beforehand.

Write it down

Have you ever noticed that the voice in your head is so much louder than all the other voices around? That’s what makes it most powerful. One way to counter this is by writing down what your critical voice is saying to you. "I can't get anything right” should be written as "You can't get anything right" then take a long look at these statements and think for a second about them. What would your colleagues think if they saw the statement? What would your family think? Seeing things from a different perspective will help you to see these thoughts for what they are - self-destructive falsehoods. Take a couple of minutes to counter these statements with a more realistic evaluation of yourself and your abilities.

Say it out loud

Your inner-critic is unkind and hurtful. When you hear your inner voice talking to you, spend a moment to repeat what it has said out loud. Would you speak this way to your friends and colleagues? No of course not. How would you react if one of your colleagues spoke this way to you? Let’s be honest, it just wouldn’t happen, so why do we accept this of ourselves? Saying things out loud is a great reminder of just how destructive our self-critic is and a good reminder to be kinder to ourselves.


If you do tend to be overly critical of yourself, join the club, you're definitely not alone. However, it’s important that we do what we can to address these negative thoughts and nip them in the bud, turning them into a positive dialogue that will help us grow, rather than self-fulfilling prophesies.

Procrastination – why do we do it? – and how to stop.

It’s easy to find things to do in this digital age – the temptation to spend hours on our phones and tablets is great and we could be easily distracted away from doing other things, especially those jobs / activities we’re not really looking forward to!

New research suggests we lose more than 55 days a year through procrastinating – that’s nearly two months, every year!

What type of procrastinator are you?

The article also describes the three main types of procrastinators: those who wait until the last minute for the adrenaline rush; the people who don’t like to make decisions and so put things off until someone else jumps in and saves them from having to; and the 'avoiders’ – who over analyse what other people think of them and are overly concerned with failure (or success). By doing nothing, their accomplishments (or lack of them) can be put down to lack of effort, rather than ability.

That all sounds harmless enough and indeed suggests that procrastination comes down to our personality. However, there's a different train of thought which suggests procrastination could actually be as a result of an underlying issue or condition, such as hyperactivity, anxiety or a lack of self-confidence. Click here to read more about this.

If you find yourself predisposed to procrastination, the first thing to do is to make sure that it is not as a result of one of these underlying issues. If it is, don’t worry – you are not alone and help is at hand. There are lots of self-help resources freely available, as well as professional help should you need it.

If you’ve established that your procrastination habits are down to personality and habit however, we’ve got a couple of tips to help you get stuff done!

It only takes a minute

For many, the one minute rule is a simple - yet extremely successful - way to stop putting things off. The idea behind it is this: if the task before you can be completed in a minute – do it. If it can’t, then take that minute to schedule it for a later time.

When we say schedule, we mean write down when and where you will complete the task. If you do this, you’re far more likely to actually complete the task as we are predisposed to respond to deadlines – even self-imposed ones – more than we are to completing open ended tasks.

If your minute allows, share this schedule with someone else – a friend, a family member, a work colleague. This might mean emailing or texting someone your statement of intent (e.g. I will make sure that I get the list to you by Wednesday at 5pm…), as once you have informed someone else of your deadline, you are much more likely to complete the task within the timescales you’ve specified.

Do remember though, life is not all about getting stuff done. We are all allowed to take some ‘down time’ and if surfing on your tablet is how you choose to relax that’s a matter of personal choice. Difficulties only arise when we find ourselves procrastinating to the extent that we no longer have the desire to do anything else. That’s when it’s time to do something about it.

Seven steps to conquering your fears, so you’re free to achieve your full potential

We all experience lapses in confidence every now and again – it’s all part of being human – and there are often particular tasks that we don’t look forward to at work; whether it’s delivering a presentation to a group of colleagues, delivering bad news to team members or renegotiating work hours. Luckily, these events don’t tend to be everyday occurrences, however they can impact on our performance and overshadow the rest of our work.

We have developed seven steps to conquering your fears at work – whatever they may be – so you’re free to achieve your full potential in the workplace.

1. Write it down

When we think about things in our head, even the smallest issues can manifest into mountains. The more we think about things, the bigger they become, until they become debilitating. The simple act of writing down what scares us, immediately makes the issues more manageable. Try it. Once written down, we can start to break down our fears and create an action plan to deal with the problem.

2. Own it, accept it

As humans we are born with certain fears – a fear of being left, for example. Fears are what keep us safe and keep us alive. However, many fears – such as speaking to groups of people – are learned behaviours. They’re triggered by life experiences and when we find ourselves in similar situations in the future our learned fear is invoked again. The way to break these fears down is to own them and accept them. Once you have admitted to them being part of who you are, you will find yourself more able to work through your fears.

3. Talk about it

Once you’ve accepted your fears, it’s time to share them with people we trust… colleagues, managers, family – it doesn’t matter who with, but the saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ is true. Talking about your fears with others makes things easier to deal with and stops them from becoming insurmountable. Fears often sound ridiculous once out in the open and getting a second opinion can often put our fears in perspective.

4. Visualise the best result

Visualisation is a tried and tested practice for helping us conquer our fears and rewire our thinking. Brain studies reveal that thoughts produce the same mental instructions as actions. In other words, when we think about the positive outcomes of our actions at work, we are more likely to take events in our stride and conquer our fears. Remember when you asked your boss for a rise and increased your income by 50%? Remember that standing ovation you got after your project presentation? No? Maybe you need to think a bit harder. Remember: think success, be successful.

5. Compartmentalise

Set time aside to deal with your fears but don’t let them take over the rest of your day. If you know you have a stressful event coming up, put 10 minutes in your diary every day when you will focus on your fears. Use the time to think about the fear you’re facing and take time to compose yourself. Getting your mind around what you fear is half the battle. Try some mindfulness exercises to help manage your anxiety.

6. Face your fears

Many behavioural therapies focus on exposure. Put simply, this means often the best way to overcome a fear of something is by doing it. Fear is irrational and chances are our worst case scenario just won’t materialise. Exposure helps you superimpose positive memories on top of your fearful ones to change your mindset.

7. Reward your efforts

While much of the time we are able to avoid that which we fear, there are certain times in the workplace where this just isn’t possible. In much the same way as we reward our children for their positive behaviour, there is no reason why rewards should not feature in our working lives too. Put time in your diary following a stressful event to pat yourself on the back for a job well-done. A shopping trip, a trip to the movies, a night out with friends. Treats are always better received when they’re earned and what better way to earn one, than by facing your fears, head on?

No-one wants to let their fears stop them from achieving their true potential. Put all these steps in place and we hope you will soon be able to embrace your fears and unleash new skills you’ve been hiding. As Susan Jeffries said: Feel the fear and do it anyway!