How to be brave at work and face your fears

There’s a saying that goes: why fit in, when you were born to stand out! However, many of us have a deep-rooted fear of failure or criticism in the workplace, which means we are more than happy to stay beneath the radar and remain unnoticed. While this may work for a time, there are occasions at work – when negotiating pay rises or promotions, for example – that we have to stand up and be counted.

It’s not uncommon to have sleepless nights at the thought of having to give a presentation in front of a crowd or when faced with the prospect of being more assertive with a colleague to resolve an issue. But in order to move forward it’s absolutely necessary to overcome our fears and step outside of our comfort zone for time to time.

Fortunately, there are strategies that you can practise to build your confidence and give you the courage you need to be brave and assert your ideas.

What’s the worst that would happen?

The moment you choose to overthink and imagine outcomes of a situation, you fill yourself with fear. Let’s face it, you’re unlikely to lose your job just because you’ve expressed a well-thought out idea or asked for a pay rise. So sometimes, it really does help to think about what the worst outcome would really be – and it’s never as bad as your initial emotional reaction. When you approach any situation from a calm, logical perspective, you’ll realise the outcome is usually much more positive than you imagine. Practise this and you could save yourself days of stress in the process.

Building confidence

In order to be brave at work, you need to build confidence and have self-belief that your ideas are worthy and that your opinions matter. Begin by expressing your thoughts clearly and make sure you back up your views with research – people can’t argue with facts! Practise the conversations in your head – or engage your friends and family members in some role play exercises. Remember, not everyone is going to agree with you all the time, but everyone brings a unique perspective to their work, so chances are your opinion might address something that others hadn’t even considered.

Attitude is everything

Our automatic reaction to addressing a colleague who doesn’t agree with our opinions is usually to become defensive. We take criticism personally, when it’s usually not intended to be. The best response is to give people the opportunity to address their issues with you personally and answer them as best as you can – calmly. Remember, it’s about working as a team for the best interests of the company. Defend your views confidently but be willing to listen to others’ views at the same time. No-one gets it right all the time. One of the best ways to overcome your fears is by accepting constructive criticism. Sometimes, it can be a hard pill to swallow but it’s a great way of increasing your confidence. When we accept our own flaws and mistakes, we learn how to improve ourselves and will find that people will begin to respect us more as a result.

For some more tips on how to build confidence, read one of our previous blog posts here.

Making the leap to leader

It’s not uncommon to experience a change in attitudes and relationships when making the transformation from co-worker into leader. Peers who were once your friends are now the people whose performance you are driving and whose potential you are hoping to realise.

It can be an extremely difficult move from co-worker to leader, but there are ways that you can avoid any negativity and make a smooth transition. This article from The Psychologist looks at some of the ways to make the successful leap from co-worker to leader and whether it’s jealousy from your peers that you’re facing, or a lack of respect, here is some helpful advice.

Skill up

Your employer must have seen your management potential, but your peers may not – yet! So a great way to help you manage the transition to leader is by attending a management course. It may not teach you anything you don’t know, but it's a good way to validate your new role with your co-workers and meet other people in a similar situation as yourself. Training also gives you the opportunity to discuss your concerns with someone other than your boss or former peers.

Set expectations

Being open and honest about the change in your role is the first step to acceptance. Arrange one-on-one meetings with your team and discuss what these changes will mean to the team. It’s important to clear the air and get any grievances out in the open from the word go. This can resolve any initial resentment and sets a precedent for the future. Allowing employees to share their feelings can also prevent them from discussing any issues with their colleagues, and promote an open door relationship going forward.

Manage your attitude

One of the reasons former co-workers may fear your new position is that they expect your attitude towards them to change. Although this will be true in some ways – you’ll need to manage their performance, for example - it’s important that you don’t take a dominating or oppressive management style. There’s a fine line between being over friendly and being dictatorial but once you’ve found the balance, they are more likely to respect your position.

Listen and include

Often, employees get frustrated at work because they don’t feel appreciated or included in management decisions. Ultimately, decisions need to be made by management but that isn’t to say you can’t take their thoughts into consideration beforehand. When planning goals, speak with your team and listen to their ideas – you could find that they have valid points and appreciate you asking for their input.

Give praise

There’s nothing more disheartening than achieving something great at work and either not being recognised for it, or management taking all the glory. Make sure you praise or reward your staff when they've gone the extra mile or have exceeded targets. You understand the job that they’re doing, so remember to make a point of recognising their efforts regularly.

Look and learn

One of the best ways to learn how to become a great leader is by observing how other managers behave towards their employees. Not only can you see how they create positive relationships, you can also learn from those managers who have yet to gain the respect and support of their team. Listen to how they speak to their staff, observe their body language and watch how their employees respond to them.

Successful stakeholder relationship skills

It’s International Day of Happiness today. Most of us will have a good sense of what makes us happy outside of work but, given that we spend most of our waking life at work, it makes sense that a feeling of contentment at work contributes to our overall happiness.

Positive personal interaction makes the world go round and one of the keys to happiness at work is the relationships we form with our colleagues and other stakeholders. By learning how to build productive connections with other people, we can improve our overall happiness and mental wellbeing.

Stakeholder management is usually regarded as a business process. This assumes that relationships are rational and that we can manage these interactions in a documented way. What this fails to address is that stakeholders are human beings and, as such, operate on an emotional level. By appreciating both the rational and emotional aspects of stakeholder relationships we can build deeper connections that deliver mutually beneficial results. Here are some tried and tested tips to help you connect with your colleagues and co-workers.

Accept that you are dealing with people, not processes

The first step in relationship building is appreciating that people don’t always behave in a consistent or predictable way. Every relationship requires effort and an appreciation of where other people are coming from. That’s how you build trust – and people work better with people that they trust and respect. When building relationships with people at work, it’s pays to try and look beyond their job titles to see what drives and motivate them on an emotional level. You can read more on how to do this in this article from Psychology Today.

Give and take goes a long way to building goodwill

Learning the art of compromise is essential to building mutually beneficial relationships in the workplace. Far from it being about giving in, it’s more about understanding and accepting that there are always different viewpoints in any given situation. Give and take is about respecting the opinions of others and being prepared to change your own expectations and priorities – perhaps even your proposed plan of action - for the good of your personal relationships.

Say what you mean and do what you say

Decisiveness is essential to building productive stakeholder relationships, especially if you want to take people with you on a particular course of action. Collaboration and consensus have their place and are laudable, but ultimately people respect those colleagues who are not afraid to make decisions when needed to. Working with people who constantly sit on the fence or are always looking to others for approval and agreement can be very frustrating for co-workers. Taking decisions shows that you are responsible and this is a solid basis on which to build trust with stakeholders.


Successful stakeholder management takes time. It’s worth remembering that difficult relationships with colleagues and stakeholders at work can be emotionally draining and very distracting, which can impact your own performance, so it really pays to make the effort to make your work relationships positive. You can find more tips on how to build beneficial work relationships in this Psychology Today article.

These are our ideas for building successful stakeholder relationships. What would you add to the list? Please comment below and let us know…

Leaders need to recharge their batteries too

We get it. Everyone is working hard, business conditions are extremely tough at the moment – especially with the uncertainty surrounding the UK’s departure from the EU – and employers are expecting their teams to deliver more, with less.

As a leader, there can be an added pressure of being seen to be extra resilient and hard-working. Your team look to you to take the lead and you want to set a good example. It’s true that as a leader, you set the bar for your team. They embody and emulate the work values and ethic that you project. However, it’s also true that when you work too hard, neglecting your own self-care, this can negatively impact the team around you.

When a leader is fully engaged and emotionally / physically well, your team will flourish. Driving your people forward when your own battery is running low is nigh on impossible. Not only will your ability to make decisions confidently be impaired, the energy you project onto others is catching and will result in an apathetic work environment.

It’s not easy to see for yourself when you are functioning at less than your optimal levels, but there are a couple of red flags to watch out for.

Irritability

When we're running on empty, even the smallest of things can irritate us. Events that we'd happily navigate previously, really irk us. If you're finding it difficult to take everyday events in your stride, it’s time to take some time out!

Selfishness

Our natural instinct, when we're well rested and focussed, is to put the needs of our team before our own. A sure sign that you need to practise some self care is when you're more concerned with what’s going on in your own life, than the wellbeing of others.


Of course, identifying that you need to recharge is just the first step. We need to do something about it. This article from Psychology Today  gives some valuable insight into how well-known leaders mix business with leisure to give their best to their teams. And while most of us are unable to follow Bill Gate’s example of a regular ‘think week’ in a wood cabin, we can all find ways to regularly give our brain the break it needs. Here’s how:

Build some short bursts of reflection time into your diary – mark it as busy / do not disturb – and use this time to really think about something totally unrelated to work. Complete a crossword, do some colouring, read a chapter of a book. Switching your brain up from time to time actually helps to rewire your thinking and make you more focussed.

Living in a digital age is exhausting, we never switch off. Promise yourself – and your family – that you will set regular time aside every day when you will unplug completely. The freedom this gives your brain cannot be underestimated, as it allows you to be fully ‘present’ in other activities.

We talked about getting closer to nature in one of our previous posts -http://firstpsychology.blogspot.com/2018/06/the-benefits-of-getting-closer-to-nature.html- it’s a great way to recharge - spending even a small amount of time outside everyday can really help to clear the mind and re-energise the soul.

These are our ideas for recharging your batteries – what works for you? Share your ideas below…

The art of positive self-talk

Self-depreciation is the default setting for most of us. We see only the negatives or areas for improvement, rather than our many qualities and skills.

Ironically, when we see this same behaviour in others, we criticise them for it: "If only she didn’t put herself down so much", we say, or "why can’t he see what a great catch he is".

The fact is, most of us are humble people. Bragging and blowing our own trumpet does not come easily. And that’s fine – arrogance is not a good quality – however, what we could all do with is some positive self-talk. It’s time to reassure ourselves of our own abilities and recognise the progress we’re making.

Positive self-talk makes us feel good about ourselves and can push us to perform even better – fulfilling our true potential. It’s the optimistic voice on our shoulder that fosters our self-belief and drives us to do bigger, better things with our lives.

On the flip side, negative self-talk, brings us down. It dampens our enthusiasm and stifles our performance. It doesn’t rejoice in our successes, rather focuses on what we didn’t do, or where we could have improved.

All of us could benefit from more positive self-talk in our lives. When it comes to how to do it, this article from Psychology Today suggests that using the third person in self-talk can help you step back and think more objectively about our responses and emotions. It can also help you reduce stress and anxiety.

All too often, our inner voice is predominately negative. We tend to remember the negative comments from our childhood and school days. The problem with negative comments is that they can become self-fulfilling. We replay them over and over to the point that we believe them to be true.

The sad truth is that we are often much harder on ourselves than we would ever be on other people. It takes a lot of positive self-talk to override our negative conditioning, but it can be done. Look at this article from Psychcentral for some examples of the things positive people tell themselves.

As a bare minimum, we should aim not to say anything to ourselves that we wouldn’t say to other people. Let’s afford ourselves the same respect and self-restraint that we would direct towards others.

Positive self-talk will not stop us from messing up from time to time. We all make mistakes. Positive self-talk is not about brushing over the negative or challenging events that happen in our life, it is about looking at what happens to us with a constructive eye, and with a realistic perspective. It’s about recognising the truth in situations and looking at how we can learn from our mistakes to help us grow in to better human beings. To expect perfection in yourself - or anyone else - is unrealistic. So let’s try to be kind to ourselves - always!

How to identify your bad habits at work and sort them out

Have you ever wondered why it’s so easy to find fault in others yet we seldom take the time to review our own working practices? Nobody is perfect, that’s true. It is only by recognising and acknowledging our own failings at work that we can start to do something about addressing them.

We’re not talking about the big things either – like the kind of development issues that should feature on your annual training plans for example – we’re looking at the annoying little habits that have crept into your work routines. The behaviours that are likely infuriating your co-workers and stopping you from achieving your full potential.

We take a look at some of the most common bad habits at work – and what we can do to nip them in the bud.

(Not) ready for anything

Do you pride yourself on getting through each working day by the seat of your pants? Do you consider yourself an expert at winging it in team meetings? Being unprepared is unavoidable at times – but managers and co-workers can easily see through colleagues who do not take the time to organise themselves. They don’t think you’re too busy, they take it as a sign that you don’t value what you are doing. Our top tip is to plan as much time into your diary to prepare as you will spend at the meeting itself. If you find time management an issue, there are lots of resources you can use to help you. Read these tips from Psychology Today, which  are designed for home-workers but apply equally to people who are office based.

Too late!

There’s always that one co-worker who never arrives on time! We’re all busy people – so if this is you, perhaps it’s time to think about two things: 1) the impact your tardiness has on your team mates (why are you so special that everyone must wait for you?) and 2) what is it that makes you late? This article from Psychology Today suggests that often it is through the fear of wasting time – unfortunately, the impression that constant lateness makes is the exact opposite: that you couldn’t care less about the meeting – or your job and colleagues.

 

Loose lips

It’s great to get to know your colleagues and co-workers on a social level, it really helps to develop a collaborative and constructive team environment. However, if you find your chitter chatter usually involves talking about the people that you work with, then you need to do something about it. Although fun at the time, gossiping can make you look untrustworthy, not only that it also wastes a lot of valuable time, which others can resent. Try to make all your chatter constructive and work-related, keep away from the personal stuff – that’s best left for the pub!

Dream on

Every team needs a dreamer – they’re the ones who keep others motivated by reminding us all of what is possible and the dizzy heights we can all aspire to. Daydreamers are the ideas people, they are creative and help us to solve problems. However, daydreaming can also be a sign of someone who isn’t fully committed to their job, or their employer. If you like to let your mind wonder, do it constructively – and set yourself a timer, so that your full day isn’t ‘wasted’ looking up to the stars while the everyday toil gets neglected.

These are just a few of the most common bad habits people display at work. What would you add? We’d welcome your comments!

Why it’s important to review your year’s achievements and look ahead

It’s fair to say that in today’s challenging economic climate many employees are expected to do and deliver more – often with less resources.

When you’re on a hamster wheel at work, it can be hard to carve out the time to reflect on your performance and achievements. However hard it is, self-reflection is a critical process if we are ever to do things differently – or if we have desires to stretch and grow at work.

Self-reflection is a way of assessing yourself, your ways of working and how you learn. Managers go through this process regularly with their team but it’s not often that we turn the lens around and look at our own performance. This article from HR Zone explains how – and why – the practice of self-reflection is key to identifying opportunities and to changing our habitual work practices so that we get better results.

When we talk about the process of reflection, what we’re really talking about is questioning – in a positive way – what we do and why we do it that way. It's only by doing this that we can assess whether there is a better way going forward. Of course, reflection can be done at any time in the year, but the start of the new year is a great time to set out your plans and priorities for the twelve months ahead. It’s also the time when we're most open to embracing new ways of doing things – so evaluating personal skills can really help to identify changes we might need to make.

It might be helpful to structure your questioning in the following areas:

• Strengths – are you well organised? Do you connect well with colleagues and customers? 
• Weaknesses – are you easily distracted? Do you take on more than you should for fear of disappointing others? Are you inflexible and reluctant to change how you work? 
• Skills – what are your core skills currently and what skills are you looking to develop? 
• Achievements – what have you delivered this year that are you most proud of? 
• Happiness – what gives you joy at work? What tasks do you look forward to? 

Think also about any external factors that may have impacted your work over the year. Perhaps there were problems at home or with the children that took a lot of your attention over a certain period of time – identifying these external pressures enables us to better assess how we perform at work under stress.

Although self-reflection can seem difficult at first, there is evidence from Harvard Business School that it really does positivelyimpact on performance - so remember, practice makes perfect. You will find that it becomes easier and that the end result is not only a more productive year ahead – but also a happier and more fulfilling one too.