How to reach out to male colleagues to check they’re ok

It’s Men’s Health week 11-17 June. The focus of this year’s campaign is male diabetes, with one man in ten being diagnosed with the disease in the UK. You can find out more about the campaign and the movement here: https://www.menshealthforum.org.uk/mhw. On the website you’ll find lots of resources and information about the disease and how to get support.

What this year’s campaign highlighted to us was how difficult it can be for men to reach out and get the care they need in the workplace – not just for physical conditions but for mental wellbeing issues too.

We all have a role to play in making sure that our colleagues are supported in the workplace. It can be something as simple as asking people how their day is going or offering a friendly word during a busy work period. Engaging with male colleagues can often be more challenging, given that many men tend towards keeping their emotions under wraps.

Often, for men, there is usually no outward response to stress triggers and they internalise frustration, so it’s even more important to make sure male colleagues have the support they need and are able to speak to colleagues if they need to.

Men are more likely to find it hard to talk about things that are bothering them. While women are more used to sharing, men may need more encouragement to talk. So, we’ve pulled together a few tips to help.

You talk first

The best way to build connections with work colleagues and encourage dialogue is by opening up to the other person first. If you show your own vulnerabilities or share your own concerns, colleagues will feel more comfortable telling you what’s on their mind. When you are talking you can usually get an idea of how likely someone is to open up to you by the way they act when you are speaking. If he’s giving you his full attention—not looking at his watch or phone – this shows a genuine interest in what you have to say, which marks the start of a meaningful dialogue.

Body language speaks volumes

When a male colleague opens up to another, he will see this as showing vulnerability which men are conditioned not to do from birth. If you're talking to a male colleague and notice that they're twiddling their thumbs, running fingers through their hair, or subconsciously tapping their desk, this may indicate that they're preparing to show you their vulnerable side. This could take some time, so be patient and be there, ready to listen.

Be direct

When it comes to reaching out to a male colleague often the best policy is to be direct and ask them outright if everything is OK. Men, more so than women, in the workplace respond best to open and honest conversations, rather than open-ended invitations to connect. If you are worried or concerned about a male colleague – especially after you have already opened the lines of communication as outlined in our first two points – the best way to find out how you can help support them better, is to simply ask them.


The differences between male and female communication styles in the workplace is well documented. Problems only arise – according to this article in Psychology Today when we try and control how other people communicate, rather than adapt our own way of connecting to suit their needs.

Despite the different ways we have of articulating ourselves, by going the extra mile to understand how our male colleagues prefer to communicate, we can build a more supportive work environment for everyone.

The differences between male and female leaders

A survey of American workers suggested that more than a third of all workers would prefer a male boss, over a female. Factors, such as the gender of their current manager and the age of those surveyed, play a part in the decision, but what are the differences between male and female leaders? Is there any foundation in our preference?

Another American study found that women tended to be rated higher in achieving results, getting work done, being transparent and clear, and building rapport with others. Men scored higher in strategic planning ability, persuasion, delegation, and being more reserved in expression.

The study highlights the areas in which male and female leaderships styles differ, which would explain why people may be drawn towards stating a preference. It also suggests that the natural leadership styles of men and women are complementary. It is by creating a balance of both types of leadership, through Board-level diversity, that organisations can bring about peak performance.

Culture matters

Unsurprisingly, these differing leadership styles are more suited to the different cultures. In traditionally ‘male’ environments, such as the armed forces, male leaders – or at least their leadership style – might be favoured. While environments which employ larger numbers of women, such as education and retail, appear to favour female managers/styles.

Gender stereotypes

These gender-biased leadership skills are historical and often reinforced by stereotypes. As this article shows even after all these years, humans are surprisingly good at assessing a person’s physical formidability in terms of strength and fighting skills – tending to prefer dominant leaders when threat is greater. If women are perceived as too assertive or direct, they are often criticised; not assertive enough, they are labeled as weak leaders. The same goes that male leaders can be regarded as being weak, once they have show their nurturing and empathic sides.

Interestingly, most of the skills identified as being necessary for being a great leader – honesty, delegation, communication, confidence and positivity – are common to both male and female leaders.

Breaking free from being a stereotypical leader

We can all do our bit to break away from being the stereotypical leader we are expected to be:

• By being conscious of your own biases about gender roles, we can first change our own thinking and behaviour, as well as that of our team members.
• By having an appreciation of our own leadership style. This means we can purposefully learn to adapt it to fit different situations. Sometimes leaders need to be direct and firm. At other times, empathy and compassion are most needed.

Being an effective leader is about what you do, rather than what you know. Most leadership skills are learned from others, so it stands to reason that the more women leaders we have, the more they will share their skills with their teams.

Organisations are only ever successful thanks to the sum of all parts, rather than the achievements of individuals. All businesses flourish thanks to their diverse, gender balanced workforces, despite what leadership style we prefer – or display.