How to reach out to male colleagues to check they’re ok

It’s Men’s Health week 11-17 June. The focus of this year’s campaign is male diabetes, with one man in ten being diagnosed with the disease in the UK. You can find out more about the campaign and the movement here: https://www.menshealthforum.org.uk/mhw. On the website you’ll find lots of resources and information about the disease and how to get support.

What this year’s campaign highlighted to us was how difficult it can be for men to reach out and get the care they need in the workplace – not just for physical conditions but for mental wellbeing issues too.

We all have a role to play in making sure that our colleagues are supported in the workplace. It can be something as simple as asking people how their day is going or offering a friendly word during a busy work period. Engaging with male colleagues can often be more challenging, given that many men tend towards keeping their emotions under wraps.

Often, for men, there is usually no outward response to stress triggers and they internalise frustration, so it’s even more important to make sure male colleagues have the support they need and are able to speak to colleagues if they need to.

Men are more likely to find it hard to talk about things that are bothering them. While women are more used to sharing, men may need more encouragement to talk. So, we’ve pulled together a few tips to help.

You talk first

The best way to build connections with work colleagues and encourage dialogue is by opening up to the other person first. If you show your own vulnerabilities or share your own concerns, colleagues will feel more comfortable telling you what’s on their mind. When you are talking you can usually get an idea of how likely someone is to open up to you by the way they act when you are speaking. If he’s giving you his full attention—not looking at his watch or phone – this shows a genuine interest in what you have to say, which marks the start of a meaningful dialogue.

Body language speaks volumes

When a male colleague opens up to another, he will see this as showing vulnerability which men are conditioned not to do from birth. If you're talking to a male colleague and notice that they're twiddling their thumbs, running fingers through their hair, or subconsciously tapping their desk, this may indicate that they're preparing to show you their vulnerable side. This could take some time, so be patient and be there, ready to listen.

Be direct

When it comes to reaching out to a male colleague often the best policy is to be direct and ask them outright if everything is OK. Men, more so than women, in the workplace respond best to open and honest conversations, rather than open-ended invitations to connect. If you are worried or concerned about a male colleague – especially after you have already opened the lines of communication as outlined in our first two points – the best way to find out how you can help support them better, is to simply ask them.


The differences between male and female communication styles in the workplace is well documented. Problems only arise – according to this article in Psychology Today when we try and control how other people communicate, rather than adapt our own way of connecting to suit their needs.

Despite the different ways we have of articulating ourselves, by going the extra mile to understand how our male colleagues prefer to communicate, we can build a more supportive work environment for everyone.

Encouraging male colleagues to reach out when they need extra support at work

It was back in the 1980s that The Cure sang about the fact that Boys Don’t Cry – men are conditioned from a young age not to display negative emotions. This can make it hard later in life for men to seek out the help and support they need, especially at work.

It’s a situation we’ve all been in – feeling the need to reach out for support, but not quite sure how to go about it, or how it will be viewed by colleagues, especially when we are well established in our careers and lots of other people look to us for support and guidance. However, the reluctance for male colleagues can be even more acute than for their female counterparts.

There are many reasons why this might be the case, not least the conditioning to bottle up emotions boys often face when they’re young. Male colleagues may be so out of tune with the emotional side of their make-up that they do not actually recognise that they need help. We, as colleagues, may notice changes in their behaviour and personality before they do.

The following signs are common in people who are struggling:

• Becoming withdrawn – spending more time alone focused on their work
• Losing interest in what’s going on around them
• Not being as confident or outspoken as they have been previously
• Missing deadlines or not being as productive as usual

What you can do

The mental health charity, MIND, feels here is some evidence that men are more likely to seek help if a friend or colleague encourages them to do so – especially if it’s a female partner or someone who offers advice in a professional capacity, e.g. occupational health. They theorise that the ‘interference’ of a third party helps to legitimise the issues they’re facing, which means male colleagues are more likely to then seek help.

So, the first thing we can do if we suspect a colleague may be struggling, is to let them know our concerns. If you don’t feel comfortable asking someone outright if there’s something wrong, start by showing an interest in them. Ask them for their opinions and build trust with them in the hope that they may open up to you voluntarily in the near future. At the very least, you’ll be paving the way for a more serious conversation about the support they may need later on.

Secondly, find out what support services are on offer within your organisation and share that information with your colleague. Sometimes, a well-placed flyer or telephone number could be enough to prompt your colleague into seeking the additional support they need. The thought that someone’s struggles are affecting their work – and that it has been noticed - could be enough for them to address whatever is bothering them.

For managers, or other people in a position of influence within your workplace, e.g. employee representatives, making suggestions to introduce practices that can help support the whole team not only helps the colleague you’re worried about, but also the rest of the workforce. These suggestions could include mindfulness practices, stress reduction and time management techniques; workplace counselling services; or occupational relaxation therapies, like massage and accupuncture.

If the above interventions don’t seem to help, it might be beneficial to speak to another colleague about your concerns. HR departments are trained to deal with matters that are impacting on people’s ability to do their job. You can ask to speak to someone in confidence and share your concerns.

For more information about stress reduction in the workplace, you can read our previous blog post Feel free to print it off and leave it around the office, if you think it will help others!