How People Pleasing Can Damage Your Career

While it’s important to collaborate and build positive relationships in the workplace, excessive people-pleasing can have negative effects on our career advancement as well as our mental health. Recognising the signs of people-pleasing, setting clear boundaries and learning to prioritise ourselves helps us work toward achieving a healthy work-life balance and forging long-term career success.

What is people-pleasing?

People-pleasing refers to a psychological pattern of behaviour where individuals feel an overwhelming need to seek approval and satisfy the wishes of others. This often stems from a fear of rejection or criticism, leading people to put their own needs and desires aside in favour of meeting the expectations of others.

While initially people-pleasing may seem harmless, it can gradually take a toll on mental health and in some cases, physical health. The constant need to please others can lead to chronic stress, anxiety and burnout. Over time, these negative emotional states can become debilitating, affecting performance, decision-making and overall wellbeing.

Effects of people-pleasing

1. Surrendering control

By consistently prioritising others' needs, we often lose control over our own career path. Instead of pursuing goals that match our interests and aspirations, we can fall into a pattern of continually seeking validation and approval. As a result, personal growth and professional development may get stifled, limiting opportunities for advancing our career.

2. Undermining confidence

People-pleasers are prone to second-guessing themselves as they constantly seek reassurance and validation from others. This perpetual reliance on external validation can damage self-confidence and diminishes our belief in our own abilities. In turn, this lack of confidence can negatively impact our professional presence, assertiveness and ability to take risks – qualities that are often essential for moving forward in our career.

3. Lack of boundaries

A key characteristic of people-pleasing is the tendency to struggle with setting clear boundaries. By trying to accommodate everyone's needs and demands, we often find ourselves overwhelmed with tasks and responsibilities that extend beyond our capabilities. This can lead to work overload, poor time management and decreased productivity, ultimately hindering career growth.

Debbie Sorensen, a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist, says that people-pleasers “tend to be very kind, thoughtful people, which makes it that much harder for them to set boundaries, not take on too much work or get emotionally invested in their jobs”. Sorensen goes on to say “It can be uncomfortable to set boundaries at work, but next time you’re tempted to pile more responsibilities on your plate, pause and ask yourself if you really want, or need, to take that on. And fight the knee-jerk reaction to say ‘yes’ to everything”.

4. Perceived as indecisive

Most employers value individuals who possess strong leadership qualities, including the ability to make decisions confidently and assertively. However, people-pleasers often struggle with decisive action, as they may fear conflict. This perception of indecisiveness can prevent growth and progression of a career, particularly in roles that require strong leadership skills.


By breaking free from the confines of people-pleasing, we can gain confidence, assertiveness and the ability to make decisions that are right for us. Striking a balance between meeting others' expectations and prioritising personal growth and fulfilment can help us to accelerate our career and improve our happiness and wellbeing.

Easing young people into the workplace

The transition from leaving school and going into full-time work can be a daunting prospect, especially for young adults who haven’t yet decided which career path they want to take. There’s an awful lot of pressure on children to have their future goals all mapped out by the time they leave school but in a more realistic world, they have barely got to grips with understanding themselves. 

Following a study published by the British Chambers of Commerce Workforce Survey, HRreview highlights the following findings:

“88% of businesses believe school leavers are unprepared for the world of work, in comparison to 54% of businesses that think graduates are unprepared for the workplace."

"More than half of businesses (57%) said a lack of soft skills, such as communication and team working, were reasons why young people were not ‘work ready’.”

What can you do to ease the transition?

As an employer, you have a duty of care for the wellbeing of all employees, regardless of their age. If you accept a young adult into your place of work, whether on a training scheme or in permanent, full-time employment, there are various ways you can help them adapt. 

Although the government does offer help to businesses that employ school leavers, and they will have been given career advice prior to leaving school, as an employer you can still contribute to their wellbeing.

Induction training

An induction is an essential part of the transition and gives the employee a better understanding of their role and what is expected of them. By being patient and allowing for mistakes during the process, they will feel comfortable enough to ask questions that will help them get ahead. 

Don’t micro-manage

As tempting as it may be to constantly check everything they are doing, try to give them some leeway to take responsibility for themselves. Hovering over someone and scrutinising their work on a daily basis can be intimidating and put them under more pressure. 

Offer training

As we saw from the BCC report, school leavers starting out in full time employment often lack soft skills so by offering ongoing training for their personal development, they will have the opportunity to develop skills such as communication and time management.

Make them feel valued

As an inexperienced employee, one of the scariest aspects is wondering whether they are doing their job properly, if their position is secure, and if their boss is happy with their work. By offering regular feedback, praising their efforts (even if they’re not quite up to scratch yet) and listening to how they are feeling will give them more confidence and motivate them to improve.

Offer incentives

One of the most difficult parts of the transition for school leavers going into full-time employment is getting used to working longer hours with less breaks and fewer holidays each year. To avoid absenteeism, lateness, and a lack of motivation, offer incentives such as days off in lieu or a monthly/annual bonus.

Integration

To make them feel like part of the team, plan social events so that they can get to know their colleagues on a more personal level.

Career progression 

Talk to your employee about career progression within the company, not only so they have something to aim for but also to make them feel more secure about their position in the company.

What to do when you lose the joy out of your job

What to do if you’re not satisfied at work – ways to reduce stress, look for another job, address issues within your team

For many of us, work takes up a large proportion of our working lives – over a lifetime it amounts to literally years spent away from home, family and friends. So, if you’re not happy at work, this can seem like a massive waste of time. This blog outlines the personal benefits that come when we are satisfied at work and, given that we’re all only here once, it’s important that we strive to gain some sense of joy out of our working lives.

This YouGov survey gives some excellent insight into what drives us at work. It estimates that around 16% are dissatisfied at work. If this sounds like you, the first thing to do is identify which aspect of your job is getting you down. Failure to do this upfront, will mean that you could struggle to rectify the issues in the future.

There are many reasons why people don’t get what they’re looking for at work. Common themes include:

Money

If you don’t feel you get paid fairly for what you do, or that others doing a similar job are paid more, this can cause significant upset.

Insecurity

If you believe your job is unstable or you’re worried about being laid off or fired, this can cause excessive stress in your life.

Promotion

If you don’t see any opportunity for future advancement, you can start to feel as though you are outgrowing your job and this can lead to dissatisfaction.

Colleagues

Who you work with can make or break a job. If you don't like the people you work with, or you’re not working with people that you get along with or respect, this can lead to unhappiness.


The first thing to do is to try and recognise the difference between fleeting episodes of unhappiness at work and ongoing dissatisfaction. We all have bad days and – sometimes weeks – when we can’t seem to do anything right. Try to put your emotions to one side and establish whether it’s a temporary situation that will right itself given time, or evidence of a deeper problem that needs addressing before it affects your well-being.

There are a number of ‘self-help’ ideas you can try to ensure you get the most out of your job.

Make positive changes

Take control of your situation and try to change whatever you can on your own. Speak to managers and colleagues about your worries and work with them to develop strategies that will help better the situation. Ask for a pay rise if money is the issue; speak to your line manager or HR about mediation if the problem lies within your team; make a formal request for flexible working if your work/life balance is adrift. Often dissatisfaction arises when we feel powerless to change things, addressing issues face-on really helps.

Establish the true source of your unhappiness

Not many people can claim their job is perfect and everyone has days when they wished they'd stayed in bed. Try to establish whether your dissatisfaction is definitely linked to your work - it could be that work has become a focus for your unhappiness. Have a good look at all aspects of your life and make sure that it is your job that is causing your unhappiness, rather than your home or personal life. Be honest with yourself: will your dissatisfaction follow you into a new job?

Look what else is out there

Once you're sure your job is the issue and have tried to address the problems you’re experiencing, it might be time to do some research and find out what else is out there for you, job-wise. Look for employers who could be a better match your needs, prepare your CV and submit some applications. It may seem drastic, especially if you have been with your employer for a long time, but sometimes it can really help to see what else is out there – and give you a real confidence boost when you see that your skills and experience are in demand. Even if you decide not to take a new job, there is no harm in conducting a proper assessment of the job market and being prepared.

If a change of job is what you need, have a read of this blog on career planning, so that you are clear about what you want so you don’t get stuck in a similar situation in the future.

The importance of career planning

Most of us have a dream or ambition about what we want to achieve in our working lives. It’s often a dream we hold close, sharing with few – if any – of our colleagues for fear of appearing too ambitious or not hungry enough. However, how many of us will actually achieve what we set out to? How many of us actively manage our own career paths?

Rather than meaning that our focus is not on the job we’re currently doing, a realistic career plan is an essential component of personal and professional growth. It helps build the skills and capabilities we need in a structured way that enables us to realise our true potential.

Career plans, when created and reviewed properly, keep us motivated by setting a specific timeline for accomplishing the things we want to achieve. So how exactly do we set a meaningful career plan for ourselves?

Start with the big stuff

Where do you see yourself in five years / ten years from now? You’ve got to be clear about your destination before you can plot out your journey. Yes, it seems a long way off, but we’re talking about long term goals here – rather than incremental steps.

Be clear about what you can do already – and what you have still to learn

Once you know where you are heading, you need to conduct an honest skills assessment: what skills are you looking to develop? What gaps in your knowledge and experience do you need to fill? You need to be realistic with yourself about what you can do – and for those things where your skills are lacking, you need to develop a realistic training journey to build your capabilities. The skills you need might be achievable through your current job, or a training course. Other skills may require exposure to a different sector or job role in order to build the capabilities you need.

Decide on your career goals and desired jobs

The reality is that, while some career planning and coaching may be available within your organisation, most planning and career exploration needs to be undertaken in your own time, outside of work. Deciding on your career goals sometimes means coming to the realisation that what you really need lies outside of your current employer; similarly taking advice from your current employer may make you feel obliged to find an internal role that fits part of your career plan – yet still falls short of your big dream job. A true career plan is independent and impartial – and that means making the time outside of work to do it.

Put your career path plan in writing

A plan that isn’t written down is only an idea. Once that idea has been committed to writing, it’s a plan. Writing it down makes it real. It provides something tangible to review and measure and the legitimacy that’s needed to prioritise it in our lives. Share it with others – in full or in part - as necessary but in order to realise your goals and aspirations you need to treat your career path as a living, breathing document. There are plenty of templates freely available on the internet to help you on your way.


Finally, once you have your plan in writing – own it! No-one will ever care as much about your career as you do. The power to grow and develop your own future lies firmly in your hands. Seek support and assistance from others as you wish, but ultimately it’s all up to you.


You might also find this post about goal setting helpful: http://firstpsychologyassistance.blogspot.co.uk/2017/01/why-making-firm-positive-goals-and.html

Career choices that don’t clash with your personality

We spend most of our time at work – in fact it’s been estimated that we spend 12 years during our lifetime. That’s a really long time to be doing something that doesn’t suit your personality.

Happiness and well-being is not just a question of the profession you choose but, as it’s where you spend a big chunk of your waking life, it’s important you make the right choices.

Many factors come into play when it comes to job satisfaction – the role, the way we’re managed, the culture, our colleagues – and finding work that plays to our personality and ignites our interests is far more likely to keep us absorbed and feeling contented. Plus, as the lines between home and work become more blurred than they used to be, it’s even more important to make sure we're happy in our work, as all too often it spills over into our personal life too.

The benefits of feeling content at work are well documented. They include:

• Improved health - people who are unhappy at work or under a lot of stress tend to suffer from a multitude of ailments, ranging from aches and pains to broken sleep patterns. 
• Happier relationships – when people are feeling unhappy and unfulfilled, it can’t help but carry over into their personal lives. If you keep venting your workplace frustrations on friends and family, they’ll soon disengage, whereas happiness spreads.
• Increased productivity – happy people achieve more. They find it easier to focus and concentrate and they like to get things done. And it’s by getting stuff done – or through feeling appreciated in the workplace – that you want to do more. It’s a positive cycle of productivity.

We’ve found a nifty little quiz that will really help you get under the skin of what it would take to make you feel happiest at work. The questions were created by a professor at Arizona State University. They’re designed to measure six personality traits, captured in the acronym RIASEC: Realistic (doers), Investigative (thinkers), Artistic (creators), Social (helpers), Enterprising (persuaders) and Conventional (organisers). The questions in the test may appear random, but answer honestly – you might be surprised at what they reveal…

Take the test >

And once you’ve taken the test, it’s time to reflect and decide upon the best career choice to suit your personality. The question is: how do you go about following your new path and making it a reality?

These three top tips should help you on your way:

1. Be patient

Nothing worth having comes easy. Having a clear path is a big step forward but remember – good things come to those who wait. Don’t be in too much of a rush to jump right into a new career path. Take your time, think things through. Do your research, then progress at a pace that feels comfortable.

2. Walk, don’t run

However unfulfilling your job may be at the moment, don’t run away and be very careful not to make any rash or drastic decisions. Work out a plan that takes you ever closer to your dream job, but not at the expense of all that you have learned and achieved so far.

3. Don’t let fear hold you back

So what if your dream career seems unachievable at the moment? We all have an amazing capacity to learn new skills so, in 99% of cases, it’s never too late to set your sights on something new. Most of the time, the only thing holding you back is your own fear. It can paralyse you and stop you from achieving your true potential. Follow steps 1 & 2 and you’ll get there when the time is right!

What to do if you’re not happy in your job – is it too late to change your path?

It's been calculated that many of us will spend around 10 years of our lives working. This is a long time to spend doing something that doesn’t make you happy or bring you some form of satisfaction.

Changing your career path when you’re younger is a relatively straight forward process – many options lie within your grasp if you can put the time and effort in. The older you get, the more likely it is that you have commitments that make changing direction more difficult. You’re also competing with people who are younger and often cheaper!

There are many reasons why employers might favour the younger generation. And while unemployment in the over 50s is rising, there is some hope for people looking to change direction through apprenticeships.

Changing your career path as you get older may be more challenging, but it is possible. We’ve got some tips to help you in your search for a more fulfilling work-life.

Be age appropriate

Sometimes age and experience can work in your favour. There are many roles where age may be on your side, so don’t get stuck into thinking that you can only look at roles that you have always done – instead, be open to consider positions and options that you may have discounted when you were younger. Examples include sales positions and customer service, where experience and self-confidence can really help to drive performance. Think about what your age might line up with in the eyes of other people, this may spark ideas that you had not previously considered.

Be clear about what you want to get away from

Many people claim that they don’t like where they work, but unless you take the time and trouble to detail exactly what it is you don’t like, chances are you could end up in the same situation again, months or years down the line.  If you’re currently working with figures but yearn to be outside more, for example. Or, perhaps you like working with figures but don’t like the culture of the organisation you work for. If you’re not honest with yourself about what you don’t like – how will you find something that you do?

Once you know what you want, it’s time to lay the foundations that will get you there

• Step back and get a perspective – be realistic about your skills and your talents, be clear about what you have got to offer a new employer and remember that many of your skills will be transferable, so you needn’t be chained to the same industry or organisation type, if you don’t want to be. If it helps, get someone else to look at your CV and provide honest feedback – we are often far too self-critical.
• Let go of old thinking and behaviours – a new job is a new start and a chance to present your very best version of yourself to your new employer. If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got so you must be prepared to work on yourself too!
• Say yes – don’t be afraid to take the first step towards your end vision. If someone offers you a chance or an opportunity – take it – even if you don’t think you’re qualified. They may see something in you that you haven’t, yet!
• Explore and scope it out – do your research. Gather all the information you can about where you want to go and what you need to do to get there.
• Outline a plan of action - some opportunities will take longer than others to realise, especially if you need to retrain. Set out specific steps and goals that will break down your journey and help keep you motivated as you take steps towards the changes you wish to make.

Allow yourself to grow

Recent research published in the International Coaching Psychology Review explored the subjective experiences of high functioning professionals who had experienced 'executive derailment' - a term given to describe ending a career due to organisational restructuring, overwhelming demands and workloads, or workplace bullying. The researchers concluded that a positive psychological and growth-oriented mindset could be helpful in enabling personal change following such an event.

Re-evaluating yourself and your skills and asking yourself honestly what skills you have, what you could do and what you would like to do can really help open your life up to fulfilling your dreams. If you need help and support identifying your goals and how to reach them, a psychological coach can help. 

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